


Insomnia

by SeiyaRei



Series: Three soul(mate)s - Toast/Corpse/Sykkuno polyamory //T-rated [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Coastkkuno, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangle, M/M, OT3, Polyamory, Swearing, Toastkkuno, coaster, corpsekkuno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeiyaRei/pseuds/SeiyaRei
Summary: Sykkuno is in a relationship with Toast, but he also fell in love with Corpse. But why complicate things when he can be with both of them.---“You never interrupt.” He said quietly, licking his other hand's fingers unintentionally, because red strawberry juice flowed down them. He realized what he was doing a few seconds later when Sykkuno was staring at him with his mouth slightly open.
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Jeremy Wang, Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno/Jeremy Wang, Sykkuno/Jeremy Wang
Series: Three soul(mate)s - Toast/Corpse/Sykkuno polyamory //T-rated [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132148
Comments: 38
Kudos: 538





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinkie2054](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkie2054/gifts).



> Don't ask me why I write this. I just arrived home from work, sat with the computer and then wrote all night without pause. It just writes itself. I just cannot resist this idea.
> 
> \- I don't think this ship is "real". If any of the mentioned youtubers say that they do not like this I will delete this work.  
> \- English is my second language, so there will be mistakes, I am sorry. If you find something horrible that changes the whole meaning of the sentence please let me know.  
> \- Enjoy the story, I hope you will like it :)

It was 2 am, dark and quiet. He was lying on his back with a nice weight on his chest in the form of his boyfriend - Sykkuno. He was peacefully sleeping for more than three hours now in this position, unlike Corpse who was awake as usual. His sleep has improved in the last few weeks when they were together, but this night too many thoughts raced through his head.

So for several hours he alternately watched the sleeping man and scrolled through Twitter. He still cannot believe this situation. Not just that he's lying in the same bed with Sykkuno, but this whole thing. 

Maybe if someone told him a year before that he will have a boyfriend cuter than anyone in this world, he will believe it. Maybe. But it was not so simple.

\---

They met half a year ago and became friends almost instantly. He had never met anyone he would let so close to him so fast. It was just like they were made for each other. However, they were not in a fairytale, where everything is perfect. 

Sykkuno was already in a relationship with Toast. He accepted it, of course, he was not a dickhead. Sykkuno loved Toast, really, they were together for two years and they were happy. But Corpse and Sykkuno just cannot be without each other. It started innocently, with small compliments and flirting on stream. Only as a joke for their fans, of course. Little teasing here and there. Toast didn't mind, he found it funny too. Then they began to write messages, after the stream, when Corpse cannot sleep and then for whole days. Ordinary talking about what they were doing and their hobbies turned into something deeper. Corpse spended hours convincing himself this has no future, that he just destroying himself and ruining perfectly fine relationship of his friend. It didn't help. 

They decided to meet, eventually. He was invited by Scarra to an OfflineTV house at some small party. He should decline, he really should. But he didn't do it.

Corpse arrived early because he was so nervous not to be late. Luckily nobody minded, they sat him on the couch with Poki and Lily who immediately began to talk to him. Corpse tried to not shake the whole time and actually talk to his friends. There were a lot of people so everything will be alright… He will just spend a nice evening talking and laughing with his friends. God he was so wrong.   


  
When everyone else arrived, including Toast and Sykkuno who prepared snacks, he started avoiding eye contact with them and tried to speak only when someone asked him something. Fortunately nobody noticed, or they just thought he was nervous because he was not used to being around lots of people. Sykkuno was not speaking to him at all, which was probably better because he didn't know how to react.   


  
After some time when half of his friend was pretty drunk he went to the kitchen. He needed some space and he was also hungry, because he cannot manage to eat before this meeting. He spent some time exhaling and inhaling slowly, then he put down his mask which he never took off in front of others and began to eat some strawberries which someone left on the kitchen counter. And of course Sykkuno had to enter the kitchen right now. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Corpse stuck in mid-movement as he carried the strawberry to his mouth. 

  
  
“Uh, s-sorry i didn't know you were here.” Sykkuno stammered and covered his eyes with his hands. He was blushing. “I didn't see anything” He was cute, too much, as he was standing here, trying not to peek through his fingers. If Corpse was sane and not so fucking into him, he would laugh.

  
  
“It's okay.” He managed to say and bit into a strawberry. “You can look.” Sykkuno was one of the few people he didn't mind seeing his face. It usually took a long time for him to reveal his face to someone, he really didn't do it at the first meeting. Sykkuno was just special. In everything.

  
  
“You sure?” Sykkuno asked, already looking at his face with one curious eye under his fingers. Now Corpse just has to smile, he was so adorable.   
  


“Yes.” He said softly and took another bite from the strawberry to keep his hands busy. The smaller man slowly put his hands down, still blushing a little and took a few steps towards him. 

  
  
“I just needed some water and also I was worried where you are. I didn't notice when you left.” He spoke softly, so that he could barely be heard through the music from the next room. Corpse stared at his lips. 

  
  
“I was just a little hungry and I didnt want to eat before everybody.” He really tried a normal conversation. The tension and expectations between them successfully prevented him.   


  
“Oh, I will not disturb then.” Sykkuno lowered his eyes and reached for a glass just inches from Corpse. And Corpse just couldn't help himself. He hadn't drunk anything all night, so he couldn't even blame the alcohol for that. He just wanted it. He placed his hand on Sykkuno's arm and stroked it lightly.

  
  
“You never interrupt.” He said quietly, licking his other hand's fingers unintentionally, because red strawberry juice flowed down them. He realized what he was doing a few seconds later when Sykkuno was staring at him with his mouth slightly open. 

“Corpse?” That sweet, sweet voice. He didn't know how or who started it. All he remembered was kissing him. It was quick, clumsy and strawberry flavored. His heart must have skipped a beat or two if it didn't stop beating completely. It was so intense. He wasn't really thinking until Sykkuno suddenly broke away from him. He stared at him, red lips, but shock in his eyes.

  
  
“Sy-” He didn't have time to finish. Sykkuno ran away. His stomach dropped and he suddenly felt sick of himself. How he could do such a thing. That was wrong, very wrong. He ruined everything. Not just for him, but mainly for Sykkuno and his relationship.

  
Somehow he got out of the house without anyone noticing and eventually arrived home, hours later. He can't anymore. He destroyed everything, he was a monster. Corpse locked himself into the bathroom and began to scream.

\----

Days have passed, probably. He was not sure, he didn't do anything most of the time anyway. He had hardly slept all the time, looking at the phone only occasionally to answer a few people's messages that he was alive and they didn't need to worry about him. He ignored the people who were with him at that party. Especially Sykkuno's name. He didn't want to spoil anything more than it already was.

  
  
After some time when he decided to look again in his cell phone, he noticed that he had a text from someone who has never written to him until then. Discord reported one new message from Toast.

Corpse closed his eyes. Of course he knew. Sykkuno must have told him, he was just like that, too pure and unable to lie. He did not blame him.

He opened the message with trembling fingers.

  
  


_ Toast: “I have to talk to you.”  _

Corpse swallowed nervously, staring at the text. What he was supposed to say?

  
  
_ Corpse: “Go on.” _

Even though he answered after a few hours of the other man's message, the answer came immediately. He had to wait for it.

  
  
_ Toast: “I'd like to talk to you in person.” _

  
  
It was worse than he expected. But he deserved it and did not intend to refuse. Plus some things should really be addressed face to face.

  
  
_ Corpse: “Can you come to my apartment?”  _

  
  
He never invited visitors, but it didn't matter now. At least he'll be in familiar territory if nothing else.

_ Toast: “What is your address?” _

  
  
He texted it to him and then dropped his phone. He was fucked. On so many levels.   
  
\---

Toast arrived after a few hours. When Corpse opened the door for him, he looked calm, determined. He greeted him with a nod and entered without a word. Corpse didn't understand him. He had to struggle to behave at least a little normally and not shake constantly. He was scared. Not about himself, he stopped caring about him a long ago.

“So.” Toast leaned against the small cabinet in the living room and began. “You know why I am here. Sykkuno told me.” Corpse sat down, not believing his feet. He said nothing, staring at the floor. There was silence for a moment.

  
  
“I am sorry. I didn't mean to…” he swallowed, his throat dry. “I really didn't want to ruin everything. Your relationship. And I know you don't believe me.” What were the words for? It won't change anything. He could not say anything to improve the situation. He could only wait and see what Toast says. How he hurts him. He deserved it.

“I actually quite believe this part. It took me a while, I admit. But I've known you for some time and I know you're not like that. So the real question is why you did it.” How he could be so fucking composed. Of course he knew his cold logic and that nothing could throw him off balance. But this was weird. Corpse expected him to shout at him at any moment.

“You don't really want to know this.” He whispered, hands over his eyes. How was he supposed to talk to him about falling in love with his partner?

  
  
“Yes, I do. Because it depends on your answer what happens next.” He still didn't raise his voice. He'll probably have to give him a reason.

“Because I like him. More than as a friend.” He exhaled slowly. “Obviously not enough to control myself and not ruining his life.” 

“You didn't ruin his life. Complicated it, yes.” Corpse always knew Toast was a reasonable man. He wasn't cold, he had feelings and big ones, but he didn't let them control him. So maybe it wasn't lost. Maybe Corpse will disappear and Sykkuno will be able to continue to live happily with Toast. That would be the best.   


  
“I'll leave him alone. I will never contact him again. I want him to be happy and he is happy with you.” Which was true. Sykkuno spoke of his boyfriend often and always with love. It wasn't that he stopped liking him and fell in love with Corpse. He just wanted them both, obviously, based on what had happened.

“I'm afraid that won't be possible.” Corpse didn't expect that. He raised his head and looked at Toast for the first time this evening. “Okay, give me my 50 seconds and don't interrupt me. Sykkuno told me everything. It was pretty long talk and I think at this point I know more than both of you together. So, the problem is, if you leave him alone before that party it would work, eventually. He would be heartbroken, but he would get out of it. But now.. You didn't see him. It's bad. He cannot handle it. When I left, I had to leave Lily with him so he did not do anything… stupid.” Fuck, that was not only bad, that was horrible. What did he do? He will hate himself for the rest of his life for this.

  
  
“Is there anything I can do?” He sounded desperate, well he was. 

  
  
“I have an idea. Listen to all I have to say before you say anything. And yes I mean what I want to suggest to you now.” For the first time in their entire discussion, there was a sense of insecurity in his voice. That really made Corpse listen.

“So. What you said is true, Sykkuno wanted to be with me and was happy with me, he said it today. But I haven't been the only one who makes him happy these months, although I hate to say it. He has reached a stage where he cannot make a decision because neither variant will be correct and sufficient. In other words, he will not be happy with either of us, because he needs both of us.” He paused for a second, took a deep breath.

  
  
“My suggestion is, and think carefully about what you answer, that we will not force him to choose. Of course I won't force you to do it, it's as much mine as your decision. But in this situation, it seems to me to be the only possible solution that does not involve serious mental or health damage to any of us.” Corpse blinked. Three times. 

  
  
“Wait, can you repeat it?” He had to misheard. Or he was hallucinating due to lack of sleep.

“You heard me right. I am not excited but I rather do this than watch him slowly destroying himself. We can try it for him, at least. Maybe it won't work, but better try and fail than do nothing. And if there's anyone I'm willing to go with in this, it's you. Even though one part of me currently hates you from the bottom of my heart, I know you're a good person and you don't want to hurt him.” Toast tilted his head and closed his eyes. “Don't expect me to say anything better about you now.”

This time the silence was way longer.

  
  
“I have no idea what to say.” His mind was blank. He was still trying to process what he had just heard.

“You don't have to say anything yet. I made that decision after hours of thinking in silence, I don't expect you to answer me right away.” Toast took a few steps forward. “ If your answer is yes, come to our house. If not, it will also be fine and please let me know.” Without waiting for an answer, he walked to the door, which almost closed behind him when he returned to the room once more.

  
  
“And you don't do anything stupid either. That wouldn't help anyone.” And he was gone.

  
  


\---

The next day before midnight he stood on the doorstep of their house. He had been here for ten minutes and he was freezing. His black leather jacket didn't protect him from the cold very well. At least the cold finally made him write to Toast that he had arrived. He opened the door for him in two minutes.

“So you decided?” Toast asked in a whisper trying not to alert the other occupants of the house.

“Yeah.” He just said as he took off his jacket and combat boots. “But this must be decided by Sykkuno anyway.” He took both items in his hand with the intention of taking them with him. No one should have known he was here.

“That's true. Come with me.” Toast turned and walked barefoot quietly upstairs. Corpse followed him nervously.

  
  
“Sykkuno? Do not get scared, I brought someone.” Said Toast as soon as the door closed behind them. Meanwhile Corpse put down his shoes and jacket. There was no answer from the door that apparently led to the bedroom. They both walked in, Toast first.

  
  
Sykkuno was sitting on the bed with crossed legs in an oversized hoodie. He was pale and looked as if he hadn't slept or eaten for a long time. Corpse looked similar, but it was normal for him. Sykkuno looked terribly unusual. Like a different person.

  
  
“I don't want to see an-Corpse?” His jaw dropped. He stared at him like he just saw a ghost. Or demon, that was more accurate.

  
  
“Keep calm, nothing's happening I promise. We just want to talk to you, in peace.” Toast sat down next to him and put one on his arm on Sykkunos knee, gently. “Everything is okay, breathe.” He spoke quietly and soothingly with a small smile on his lips. Corpse stood at the door, watching them. How could he have ruined something like that. Their relationship was beautiful. Toast really cared about Sykkuno. And he almost ruined it. At least he hoped it was only almost.

After about three minutes, Sykkuno calmed down and began to breathe normally again. But he didn't take his eyes off him. Corpse looked back.

  
  
“Can I start or you want to?” Toast asked him, still looking at Sykkuno with worry in his eyes.

  
  
“You start. You can explain it better than I can.” Maybe he should have chosen other words, Sykkuno was now looking confused and worried.

“Okay so, we talked and we didn't kill each other, that is first good news. I told him a few things from what you told me and also how I feel about this situation. And don't panic, Sykkuno, it is ok, really. We just have a suggestion for you on how to solve this whole thing. You can say no, or you can say yes. That is up to you.” Toast stopped talking for a moment and pulled his boyfriend closer to him, wrapped one arm around his waist to calm him down.

  
  
“I know you are like this because you cannot decide what to do now. So we agreed that if you want, and only if you want it, you don't need to decide between us. You can be with both of us until you decide otherwise. And of course if you don't want even this that is also okay, we will respect it, right Corpse?” Toast looked at him so he nodded his head.

  
  
“Yes. Sykkuno I'm sorry I put you in this situation. I know nothing I will say can make you feel better. But I wanna fix this, if it can be fixed. If you want to stay with Toast and forget about me I will be happy for you and I will disappear. If you want me to stay I'll do it gladly. Or say anything else that would help you. I dont wanna fuck this even more.” As he expected, Sykkuno, like him, had said nothing when he first heard this. He just stared at him and Toast. He didn't even blink for a minute.

“You'd really… for m-me...” His voice cracked, probably from crying. Toast quickly pulled him into his arms and Sykkuno began to sob into his shoulder. Toast started stroking his back with one hand, and made a gesture with the other hand suggesting Corpse to come closer. So he sat down carefully on the bed next to them, trying not to scare Sykkuno.   


  
Sykkuno raised his head, eyes full of tears, and held out his hand. Corpse carefully took it and covered his palm with his own. He looked at the man holding Sykkuno for approval and then he hugged him from the other side, so Sykkuno was now almost completely hidden from the world in two hugs.

“I-I don't deserve this... That's not r-right.” he got out between sobs. “You two should hate me.” He was shaking heavily.

“Nobody in this room hates you, Sykkuno, not even a little.” Corpse muttered and began to ruffle his hair. “ Everything will be okay, I promise.”   
  


\---   
  


Surprisingly it worked. They had to set a lot of rules and talk a lot about various things, but in the end they agreed on a state that suited all three of them. At the beginning Sykkuno visited Corpse two times a week, then three times until finally they decided Sykkuno simply didn't have time to drive for hours and convinced Corpse to move to an OfflineTV house. That was the biggest problem for him. He agreed with everything Toast or Sykkuno suggested because everything that matters to him was to make it work. He finally agreed with moving just a few weeks ago, provided that this does not infringe on his privacy. He got a separate floor at the very top and promise for everybody that they will not go here unless they texted him before and he agrees with it. No one forced him to get involved in everyday life and making videos with them so he agreed with it.

Of course they didn't tell anyone why he decided to move. They had no doubt that their friends would accept it, but they were not ready. Luckily nobody suspects anything, everybody knows how Corpse is around Sykkuno even without their relationship.    


  
Moving in proved to be a good decision. Sykkuno was happier and Corpse too, even though his anxiety was very bad the first week. He finally found out that it is not so different from living in a standard apartment building, the only difference was that his neighbors were nice people and they shared a kitchen. 

So he was here in his bedroom with Sykkuno on his chest, lost in memories. He almost didn't notice the message from Toast that popped up on his phone. 

_ Toast: "Awake?" _

He sighed, because he forgot again to text him that Sykkuno fell asleep in his bed. He didn't do it on purpose, which he also told Toast, he didn't want to look like he is stealing Sykkuno from him.

_ Corpse: "Yeah, Sykkuno fell asleep here, sorry I forgot to tell you." _

Fortunately, Toast was a reasonable man and if he didn't like something they talked about it and eventually made a rule for it. But he really doesn't seem to mind that fact he is not only one in his partner's life. Corpse still doesn't quite understand it, even Toast tried to explain it to him. But he happily accepted it,even though he made sure to ask him if he didn't change his mind every week. It was not only about Sykkuno, he was a priority, but they need to make everyone in this relationship comfortable. His friendship with Toast made it a lot easier. 

_ Toast: “I figured it out. do you think you'd mind if I came?” _

That took Corpse by surprise. They spend a lot of time together, all three of them, but always in Toast's and Sykkuno's apartment. Their friendship was actually not affected by this change, despite his expectations. Somehow went even deeper after some time when they got used to it. But Toast never joined them when Sykkuno wanted to be with Corpse on his floor. Until now.

_ Corpse: “Not at all, doors are unlocked, come anytime.” _

Usually they locked it, even though their friends never came here unexpectedly. It just seemed more comfortable when they kissed. Nothing more, they were really just kissing and cuddling each other, and even kisses came after Corpse decided to move in. They wanted to take this slow and don't push ourselves in something they might not want, when everything else was pure chaos. And Sykkuno had a full relationship with everything already with Toast so it was not like he was suffering. Baby steps. 

He heard the door closing and almost silent footsteps. He hesitated, reaching for his mask lying on the edge of the bed, then he changed his mind. It was Toast, he believed him like nobody else except Sykkuno. It was stupid, still trying to hide his face from him. He should show him that he trusts him, when Toast was willing to share with him the most precious thing he has. Toast really tried to make all this work to the satisfaction of all, harder than them. He took care of both of them, it was not like he only watched Sykkuno leaving him and waiting for him to come back. Corpse tried too, of course, but he had so many worries with his mental health and trying to survive all of this without ruining it accidentally. He was sure that if anyone else were in Toast's place, their relationship would have collapsed long ago.

"Hey." Toast said quietly as he walked into the bedroom, looking directly at Corpse's bare face. It was dark, only light was provided by the moon, so he didn't know if he was surprised or something else, because he couldn't see his expression from this distance. 

"Lonely?" Asked Corpse and reached for him with his arm on which Sykkuno did not rest. 

"I cannot sleep." He answered and sat down next to him, glancing at Sykkuno's sleeping face. Then to his surprise he grabs Corpse's hand and holds it. Something was off, he never did it. Toast never really showed this kind of affection towards him. Not like he minded it, it was just new to him.

"You are freezing." That was true, his hand was very cold and he also wore only a simple shirt and shorts, so he couldn't be comfortable. 

"I was editing some videos and forgot to turn the heater on." Toast shrugged and looked away. "Don't worry about it." 

"Of course I worry about you, we are friends. At least I hope." He lifted the blanket and carefully pulled him closer, so he could resist if he wanted. "Come here." The smaller man didn't say anything, but eventually he slipped under a blanket. Thank God, Corpse knew something like this may happen when he was buying furniture, and chose a bigger bed than he would buy just for himself. He carefully wrapped his arm around Toast's shoulders, hoping he didn't go too far.

"Something happened? You know you can talk to me." From this distance he can notice how serious his friend looked. His eyes lacked their usual sparkle.

"Oh it's nothing about Sykkuno, don't think about it." Toast looked away from him again. That was not good. He must have had a really bad day and the last few hours he was alone, because his boyfriend was sleeping here. Corpse felt like an idiot, because he didn't at least check on him if he was okay.

"I don't care about you only because you are Sykkuno's boyfriend, Toast. Look you know I am not good at talking about feelings and shit, but you are my friend and I care about you. I don't always seem like it, because I have a hard time to at least take care of myself and stay sane. But I want to know and help if something happens." Toast seemed to think about his words.

" I don't know if I want to talk about it." He sighed.

"Something else then? A hug?" He was not blind. Toast probably didn't mean to, but his whole body and little gestures screamed at Corpse he needed physical contact. It was so different from his usual caml appearance when he hid his feelings behind cold logic and jokes.

"Sykkuno is sleeping at you." Toast glanced at him, but there was no rejection in that sentence. So Corpse just decided to risk it, as always.   
  


“I can manage that.” Corpse rumbled as he began slowly picking up Sykkuno and putting his head back on the pillow. He was lucky, Sykkuno had a very deep sleep, so he didn't wake him up. He patted him on the head and smiled, he was so adorable when he was peacefully sleeping, his mouth opened a little and cheeks pink from Corpse's body heat. But he was okay now and didn't need his attention, Toast did.

He turned on his side facing his friend and slowly reached for him, looking at his face for any sign of discomfort. Toast didn't say or do anything, just close his eyes and let himself be drawn into a hug. Corpse put one arm under his head to support it, palm placed on his shoulder and the other on his lower back, careful to not go too much down. He waited for a few seconds, but Toast didn't seem to resist, so he also tangled their legs to give him as much body heat as he can. He was always like a personal walking heater, but to this day only Sykkuno took advantage of it.

Maybe five minutes passed until he felt Toast relaxed in his arms a little bit and finally reached for him and returned the hug too. That also calmed Corpse down, because he was about to panic that he read his body language wrong.

“Can I have a question?” Toast suddenly whispered and opened his eyes. Corpse must really control himself now, because he was not used to Toast staring at him without a mask from maybe six inches distance only. But he didn't want Toast to misinterpret if he did something weird, so he just nodded.

“Why are you like this with me? I was sure you would eventually try to convince Sykkuno that you are better for him after some time. I thought this is just middle ground for you until you change your mind, but I was wrong. You weren't lying when you said that you don't mind this type of relationship. I need to understand why. You should have thought of me as an enemy not.. this.” He glanced down at their bodies. He looked frustrated, because his logical mind cannot understand something.

“I am not like other people, Toast, I was never into vanilla and boring basic relationships. Polyamory doesn't disgust me because I never understand the concept of jealousy. I don't know that feeling, even though I often joke about it. But I don't see too much difference between having a partner and that's it and having a partner who also loves someone else. We have big hearts and if you can love both of your parents equally so you can also have two boyfriends. So the only time I would want Sykkuno to choose will be if he didn't want to be with both of us.” He spoke slowly, thinking of every word so that he doesn't accidentally scare his friend. His voice cracked at the end, because he was using it too much the last few days, screaming into the microphone about his feelings. Thank god for his soundproof walls. He cleared his throat and began to stroke Toast back gently.

“So you were in a relationship with multiple people before?” Now Toast looked purely curious and much less worried than before. Corpse almost laughed, he looked cute almost as a child who just discovered something new.

“Not really. I have a hard time taking care of myself and I am already doing a horrible job just with Sykkuno. You are actually the only reason why he is happy, because I can't give him all the things he deserves even if I really wanted to. I am just too fucked up to be a good partner.” He was not putting himself down to make Toast feel better, it was true and both of them know it. He was not some dream prince on white unicorn. He was just a young man with severe depression, anxiety and mood swings. There were days when he was just laying in bed all day, locked in his room and not talking to anybody, or the days when he was rude to his friends for no single reason and much more other things.

“Maybe you just need to allow someone to take care of you in return.” Toast suggested and now Corpse must laugh out loud, but still quiet enough to not wake up his partner.

“Good joke, but you know Sykkuno is not the right type, he needs someone to take care of him and definitely cannot handle my mental problems when they manifest in full force. Which I get, really, I also can't handle them.” Sykkuno was a really caring person, but too pure and fragile for this. It was for his own good when Corpse was hiding from him in bad days, Sykkuno cannot help him without destroying himself. Not like he was weak, that was not what he meant, but he needed someone strong by his side and Corpse was only sometimes like this. Every day was different, but he was used to it, his whole life was like that. He accepted long ago that he would always be alone on some things.

“I am not talking about Sykkuno.” It was very quiet, he almost missed it even though they were in a completely silent room. Was he just imagining things again? Because Toast definitely can't say this.

“I'm not sure if I understand what you mean right now.” Because of course he couldn't think the same thing as him. But he was watching Corpse with this expression full of expectations so he was not sure how to understand this.

“Yes, you are. I am talking about me and you, for some time if you don't notice from previous questions. Only if you want, naturally, I am not going to push you into something you are not comfortable with. There is still pretty high chance I misunderstood your behaviour and I am completely wrong with this whole thing.” Okay, now he was definitely hallucinating. If he turned around now he would probably see a dragon baking chocolate cookies in his kitchen. Honestly that would surprise him less than Toast right now.

“You calculated the chance of me wanting to be in a relationship with you?” He managed to say and caused Toast burst into silent laughter, biting his hand so he would stay quiet.

  
  
“Yes?” He offered after he caught his breath. Corpse was just staring at him, this man was unbelievable.

  
  
“You are insane.” Corpse still found fascinating someone like him exists and he didn't mean it in a bad way.

“Thank you for your compliment.” Toast smirked at him. “But I am not the only crazy person in this room, you know? We are not exactly the prototype of normal human beings.” That was right, all three of them were a little crazy in their own way, but hey, sanity is boring.

“No, we are not.” He raised one hand and placed it on his cheek, which calmed Toasts' laughter almost immediately. “So, this was some sort of your crazy experiment, or?” He had to be sure before he decided to do something. There were so many things he could do wrong, again. He didn't want to repeat his mistakes.

“If you want to, we can call it my little crazy experiment, I will accept it.” Toast turned his gaze on Corpse's hand on his cheek, leaning a little into the touch. 

  
  
Fuck, it was here again, he cannot resist it. But this time he did it with hope that this decision actually made things better.

“I don't.” He whispered as he leaned closer. Their lips met halfway, uncertainly. At first it was not really kissing, more just slowly touching each other's lips as they wonder if it feels right and they don't force each other in something uncomfortable. After a few seconds Corpse eventually decided it's awkward but not unpleasant, so he moved his hand to the back of Toast's head and kissed him properly, but still slowly. Smaller man didn't wait long and returned the kisses more decisively than before and tightened their hug more. It took them a long time, but they were in no hurry. They examined both their mouths and feelings it evoked in them. 

  
  
And if Corpse can judge according to the other man's kisses, they were on the right track, even though they still had a long way to go.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I decided to change this fic. I am leaving this as oneshot and posting other chapters in different writing style as another story later today. I just don't like how this chapter is different from others. So I hope you enjoyed this and you can click on my profile to find more of them together :)


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